Anyone Else? A Blog By SDY Teacher Chantell Trumbull

Anyone else?
I have spent the better part of the last year trying to get out of my head and into my heart. It’s a practice of sorts, to stay off auto-pilot yet not let my thoughts run rampant. Like lying in bed drifting off to sleep and thinking…what do I have going on tomorrow? What should I wear? I guess it depends on what the weather will be like, did I lock the back door, and so on and so forth, anyone else? OR waking up and BAM my brain is lit up with ALL the things. THAT for me is auto pilot, anyone else? These days I start my morning with a pause, a breath, and ask, what do I feel like doing right now? Sometimes it’s cuddling with the dog. Sometimes it’s pulling the covers over my head for another minute, or until I REALLY have to pee. I don’t even know if auto-pilot is the right way to describe it. It’s more of a numbness, a dullness. Constantly asking myself what I want to do seems selfish/self-centered. I was brought up to think of others first….what to do, what to do. I am also afraid, what if I ask myself what I want to do and the answer is, nothing. I don’t want to do anything. Ummmm….? I have a running list of shoulds and have to’s….anyone else? I should go to yoga, but I don’t feel like it (gasp), I have to go to Target to pick up xyz, but I don’t feel like it (too peopley).  I’m a weirdo, I know.  I am an introvert that takes an anti-depressant pill every morning and has for a while now. Maybe the depression is part of the hyper-thyroidism that I also take a pill for. Whateves. But I have been in the pit before, where the introversion slides into isolation and numbness takes over….aaaannnnd we’re back to auto-pilot and putting the mask on. Living from my heart allows me to be completely present each moment and be COMPLETELY honest with myself. Not feeling up to Target today? No problem love…try again tomorrow. Brain, “BUT WHAT IF WE DON’T FEEL LIKE GOING TOMORROW EITHER???” It’s ok love, we will deal with it then. Yoga has given me the tools I need. I have learned to pause, be present, listen to myself, listen to my body, breathe, stay focused, calm my mind, surround myself with absolute love and compassion. Knowing in each pose and in each moment of my day, I am exactly where I need to be. Anyone else?
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